Wine…I enjoy it. Anyone who knows me, be it on a personal or impersonal social media only level, knows that I like my wine. (Or at least I like to talk about it.) I have the mother of all wine racks which I searched months for and had delivered from California. (Lofgren’s…great modern furniture store.) I do not have the mother of all wine cellars because I forgot to marry rich, have yet to bring in the big bucks myself, and my attempts at dating superficially for money failed because I just couldn’t be that superficial. Someday.

I didn’t become a wine fan until I was 29. (I also never drank coffee until I was 29…there are other things I didn’t particularly enjoy until I was 29 but until comedy becomes profitable, we’ll keep this clean so as not to offend the easily offended…but watch out when it does.) My ex-husband, the second one, is to blame for me picking up my drinking habits. We honeymooned in Napa and it was all over from there.

I love red wine, especially Cabernet, Rioja, Pinot Noir, Brunello, Syrah, Zinfandels, Malbecs, Shiraz, chilled Merlot, Sangria, spiked grape juice…you get the picture. There is something so elegant, so deliciously sophisticated and tranquil, about sipping a glass of red while sitting by a fire with that special someone after the kids are tucked peacefully in their beds.  Problem…I am now a single mother who dates a beer drinker who can rarely sit still.

The pressures of drinking alcohol while single parenting are so daunting. Should I? Shouldnt’ I? What if I drink this glass and then one of the little buggers falls down, breaks a leg or needs stitches? Do I have to drive them to the ER? Do I call an ambulance? It’s only one glass…one big glass. Will the other parents judge? Do I care? How many kids do I have today? Matching socks are overrated and the common core becomes increasingly more difficult than it already is once you’re two glasses in. Why can’t I color in the lines?

I really don’t drink much. I just enjoy it when I do. I’ll open the bottle only to have one glass and then because I’ve become a bit of a wine snob I’ll have to throw the rest out because it never tastes right the next day. (Cooking with it the next day is ok…but drinking, not so much.) I can pour one glass and sip it for two hours. I’ve replaced red with white, sauvignon blanc and riesling, something I would rarely drink when I was married, because one bottle can last three days and I think that is a socially acceptable amount of time for a single parent to consume a bottle in.

Wine Wisdom by Jacquie

If you find a bottle for $10-$13 that is delicious, buy a case. Once the rest of the world figures out it’s good the price goes up.

Don’t drink chardonnay….just don’t. You might as well just suck on a cork or lick an oak tree…

When cooking with wine, have two bottles on hand. One is for the actual cooking and the other is for drinking. (Ok…have 3 bottles…one is for guests.) Start drinking when you start cooking, turn on some music, keep checking your recipe, sip a little more, sing a little, dance, cook a little more, sip again….and should the food not come out quite right, you’ll be in that happy wine place and you just won’t care.

Good friends make wine taste better.

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m single parenting this evening, alone, and there is a bowl of popcorn and a glass of OJ just waiting for me to have at it.

Cheers!