I wear heels…this we have established. Sometimes, in the warmer months, I wear flip flops …with at least a one inch platform. I like boots and sandals and classy classic pumps ….. I despise sneakers.

I also despise men who can’t seem to put a little thought into their footwear. It matters. (To me, anyway.) Dating after kids means we are more often than not looking for the reasons NOT to see you again instead of trying to appreciate the reasons why we should…..and footwear to me can be a deal breaker.

Two years ago while what’s his face was off participating in extra curricular activities, I went on several first, second, and third dates. One night I waited at the bar at Molto ….. feeling more excited than I had in quite some time about the potential that would soon walk through the door.

In he came and I think I had an instant smile. I locked his eyes ….. smiled, tried to do the once-over without seeming overly obvious……and then I saw them. Duck shoes. You know, the LL Bean kind???? Who wears Duck shoes to a first date?!?! Yes, it had snowed and there was crap on the roads, but duck shoes????? My father wears duck shoes.

The rest of the date went well. Years later I remember what we ate. (We shared a salad …… arugula …. cranberries ….. yum ….. and a flatbread.) We drank wine. I forgave the shoes and a second date was had. He wore duck shoes. We had tapas, great conversation, beverages, and duck shoes. He was well put together, drove two nice cars, had a great job, no drama ….. but was lacking in the footwear department.

I was probably looking for a reason for him not to be the right one. I wasn’t ready. He and I maintained contact for quite sometime …. attempting another go a couple of times only to fall flat for my fear of taking it to the next level. (That and the great New Year’s Eve episode of 2013 ….  it involves Chinese food and name calling….probably best told on the stage at a comedy club.) I tried to only see him in the summer months so I wouldn’t have to see the duck shoes.

Men and sneakers:

Please ….. do not wear them on a first date. I guess, maybe, if the first date is a mild hike up a small mountain …. but let’s be honest here and say that will never happen with me. Maybe, if you’re in your mid twenties and work for Google ….. I suppose that might be okay …. but even then I’m not sure.

When I think of my long term relationships, the first date footwear is as follows:

Brian: skate shoes…..we were in college ….. he was a skater …. all good.

Dave: black restaurant friendly shoes …. nothing sexy but functional and not a sneaker

Andy: black dress shoes ….. but he had on an adidas jacket with his work clothes so I almost wrote him off…… (He asked me out for dinner as we were walking to our cars …. I was a poor single mother of 2 babies…. free food was an offer I couldn’t refuse.)

George: his work boots ….. which clearly have been through more women than Hugh Hefner  …. but, not sneakers. Subsequent date nights he always wore  his cowboy boots.

Call me superficial, call me whatever ….. I don’t care. We all have our things and this is one of mine. I’ve done a little asking around and women seem to agree on this one. (And I have several guy friends who agree as well.)

Ironically, I’ve spent some QT with someone who has an extensive Nike collection ….. all lined up neatly under his bed. I know he wore sneakers on the second date but we did a lot of walking. I don’t remember the first because it was very late at night and he walked into the bar, kissed me without saying hello and then proposed. (I was flustered and forgot to look down.) His shirt was blue and white checked ….. as I write this I seem to recall he may have had sneakers on …. he must have. I questioned the sneakers …. they are perks from time spent with a certain rocker/former American Idol judge. He got a pass…..but a wedding date has not been set.

Even worse than sneakers ….. flip flops. Generally speaking, I hate feet. I happen to have cute feet, but I realize the bulk of the population does not. I’m pretty sure 99.9% of men have ugly feet and I don’t really wanna see them out in public. (Unless you’re Italian with a thick accent ….. for some reason I think then it’s okay to wear flip flops … not sure why…maybe because I’m imagining someone holding a journal in a white linen shirt and perfectly pressed khakis, saying all the right things while feeding me strawberries and biscotti…. in flip flops ….. with the Mediterranean off in the distance….I digress.)

Please guys, keep them covered on a first date ….. and most dates afterwards. You can whip those puppies out when we go to some exotic beach, but otherwise, do the world … or more importantly, me ….a favor and hide them.