Monthly Archives: August 2018

Letter to camp … part deux

If you didn’t read my previous post with the first batch of letters you should stop here, read those and then come back to this post.

Zach survived camp!!! (And I survived the week without him…go figure.) Here are the last two letters I sent to him to help him get through the unimaginable separation anxiety he must have been feeling…

Day 4

Happy Thursday!!!

Perusing camp photos…no you. Have you been put in solitary confinement? Did you fall in while canoeing and nobody noticed> Get shot during riflery and are stuck in the infirmary? This not being able to hear from you is rough…maybe they moved you from camp to detox because you’re not handling the no tech thing well???

Yesterday I interviewed Sean Spicer. I would think you, being possibly my smartest child, would know who that is? Just in case…he’s the former White House Press Secretary from Trump’s first year. He was widely criticized for his in your face approach and for making shit up. (Melissa McCarthy did a better Sean Spicer than Sean Spicer himself on Saturday Night Live…I’d tell you to google it but you can’t right now. Sucks to be you.)

Anyhoo, he wrote a book to pay his bills since he might not ever be able to get a real job again and he was in Saratoga Springs signing them. Me, being the feisty little redhead I am, did not let his reputation phase me and proceeded to take charge of the press briefing and of course had the man laughing. By the time we were done he said it was his best press experience yet on his book tour. I’ll take the compliment…but wonder if he’s lying.

Hi, Zach…this is Shaun, mom’s date from last night. Guess it’s going well here…

Mom again…sorry about that. To know me is to love me.

Tonight is your last night. Have fun, get phone numbers, be social! (There are some really cute girls in all those photos…anyone from Saratoga Springs???)

Love you lots,

Mom Unattended


Change your underwear again. It’s been a few days.

Day 5…last day!

Dear Z…

We made it!!! I can’t believe it’s pick-up day already!!! Time flies when I’m having fun…I mean you’re, you’re, you’re.
I’ve had a lot of wine to think about things this week…I mean time. Time to think.
Yesterday I received your post card in the mail and one from your counselor Ben. Ben had a lot more to say than you. I’ve been writing to you everyday, pouring my heart and soul out about how terribly I miss you, can’t wait to see you, blah blah blah and you sent me two sentences. (If you can call them that…pretty sure punctuation wasn’t correct.)
Since you didn’t have time to write I’ll assume you’re having a blast and don’t want to come home? You’re ok with being away from me? I ask because in my deep drinking…I mean thinking…I decided I kind of like this freedom thing and think it might be better if I didn’t have to work while enjoying it.
So, I’ve decided to take that older gentleman’s offer up to quit my job, let him buy me that house on a hill and a BMW, and take care of me and the kids. We will send you to boarding school…so everyday can be just like camp!!! Yay!!!
We can talk it about it in the two hours we will spend together tonight before I leave you with Nana for another two days while I go play with my cousins on a boat. (I really do miss you. Really.)
Nana will pick you up…I’ll see you at 7:30!!! Can’t wait to hear all about your week!!!
Mom Unattended
Hi Zach…this is Shaun again, mom’s date from Wednesday night. Yeah, still going well. She’s pretty cool. You’re a lucky kid. Really lucky.

Mom again…remember to put on deodorant, brush your teeth and change your underwear before you come home tonight. It will be easier sending you away again if I know you can take care of yourself.

Mom Unattended

Zachary is at sleepover camp this week. Realizing I haven’t posted here in a really long time, I decided to share the letters I have been sending him each day. Poor kid …

Day 1 …

Dear Zachary,

4:00 pm
I just left you at camp. I’m missing you already. To celebrate… I mean commiserate … I decided to drown my sorrows in a glass of bubbly while sitting on the deck of a restaurant overlooking Lake George. Such mixed emotions knowing you, my favorite middle child named Zach, is somewhere along this very same lake … without me. (It also breaks my heart that the glass of bubbly is now empty and the waitress is taking too long to get me a refill…doesn’t she know who I am?)

7 pm
As I was walking back to my car I was lured into one of the arcades by all those flashing lights … and an incredible sense of freedom that I can spend all $20 playing games myself and wouldn’t have to sneak tokens out of your cup. So, I played skee ball, and that silly ball drop game and then hit the jackpot on the wheel of fortune. Everyone cheered … I felt so special. I used the 8000 tickets to buy two pixie sticks, a small rubber chicken and a super bouncy ball I will throw at my sister before losing it under the car seat for the next eight months.

9:00 pm
Home. It’s so quiet. Your door is closed. I just can’t take it.
I am going to walk down to Stewart’s and buy myself that extra scoop I never let you kids get.

It’s now 10 pm and that’s lights out for you in your cabin. I just turned up the music and am now singing along to Ed Sheeran in the kitchen while chasing that ice cream with one of your pop tarts and some root beer. (I know, I know … I never keep soda in the house … but sometimes it’s ok.)

I love you and miss you lots!

Mom Unattended

P.S.  Remember to change your underwear.

Day 2

Dearest Zachary,

Wow … that was a long first day and a half. I didn’t think I’d miss you this much but I do.
Yesterday, I ran out of laundry detergent. I yelled up the stairs for you because I was going to send you to the store to get more … but you didn’t answer. I suppose I could go myself but I think I’ll just wait and make you do it on Friday night.
When I first got home from work the deafening silence in the house was overwhelming. I panicked for a minute when I didn’t hear you yelling at a video game with those silly headphones on, wondering perhaps if you od’d on Mario Kart … and then I remembered you are at camp … device and game free … making friends.
I poured a glass of wine and started to look at your baby pictures. How time flies! A tear fell down my cheek…then another … then another. Then I realized I was really crying because the wine was empty so I poured another glass.
The camp posts pictures on their website everyday. You weren’t smiling in your group shot. Smile. It makes people wonder what you’re up to.I think I saw one of you and Nate swimming … bravo for getting in the water!
Ok … I must go put my game face on and go to work. Someone has to make the $$$ to pay for this 5-star dream vacation you are on. (Yesterday my story took me to the Berkshires … I pretended I was on vacation, too, if just for a moment.)
I love you and hope you’re having fun … and if you’re not don’t ever tell me because you are there instead of me sitting on an island with bottomless drinks and pool boys named Juan and Sven.
Mom Unattended
Brush your teeth. Girls don’t like boys without teeth.
Day 3
Hello Z …

Tuesday was rough. I drove to the airport for my story and my car died in the private jet terminal parking lot. I secretly hoped it wouldn’t be able to start again and some rich and handsome man would whisk me away to an exotic island in his plane … but that didn’t happen. The very friendly parking guys jumped the car and alas I’m now back on Tinder trying to find someone to buy me a burger and fries. FML.
The new car battery cost $125 so that means less presents at Christmas time.
When I got home there was a soccer ball lying in the middle of the yard. It wasn’t there in the morning. A ghost??? Reminders of happier times when the sounds of children could be heard all through the house??? (In reality the woman who takes care of the garden cleaned up the overgrown brush stuff and it must have been hiding in there … so no kids but it is kind of fun to say I have a gardener.)
I decided to be nice and clean your room like you asked me to. I went upstairs and then I remembered YOU didn’t clean YOUR room like I asked you to. So, I decided to flip all of your pants and shirts inside out and put them back in the drawers. Now, when you get home, you’ll know how absolutely insane it drives me to have to flip them right side out when I’m doing laundry.
I have a date tonight. He’s in the Navy. I like him. Since my last three relationships didn’t make it past the six month mark I figure this is a surefire way to break those records as he’s deploying next month until March. My new secret to success will be to be with someone I can’t be with! (And that means more time for quality me and you time….it’s a win for everyone.)
Ok … I’m off to start this day. I really do miss you. Lots. I didn’t see any pictures of you yesterday on the website so I’ll hope you’re having fun and not sulking in your cabin all day. The weathermen say it will be dry today and tomorrow … but they’re usually wrong … but in case they’re not remember to put on sunscreen.
Love always,
Mom Unattended

Make sure you’re putting on deodorant … and reapply in the afternoon.