Letter to camp … part deux

If you didn’t read my previous post with the first batch of letters you should stop here, read those and then come back to this post.

Zach survived camp!!! (And I survived the week without him … go figure.) Here are the last two letters I sent to him to help him get through the unimaginable separation anxiety he must have been feeling …

Day 4

Happy Thursday!!!

Perusing camp photos … no you. Have you been put in solitary confinement? Did you fall in while canoeing and nobody noticed> Get shot during riflery and are stuck in the infirmary? This not being able to hear from you is rough … maybe they moved you from camp to detox because you’re not handling the no tech thing well???

Yesterday I interviewed Sean Spicer. I would think you, being possibly my smartes child, would know who that is? Just in case … he’s the former White House Press Secretary from Trump’s first year. He was widely criticized for his in your face approach and for making shit up. (Melissa McCarthy did a better Sean Spicer than Sean Spicer himself on Saturday Night Live … I’d tell you to google it but you can’t right now. Sucks to be you.)

Anyhoo, he wrote a book to pay his bills since he might not ever be able to get a real job again and he was in Saratoga Springs signing them. Me, being the feisty little redhead I am, did not let his reputation phase me and proceeded to take charge of the press briefing and of course had the man laughing. By the time we were done he said it was his best press experience yet on his book tour. I’ll take the compliment … but wonder if he’s lying.

Hi Zach … this is SHaun, mom’s date from last night. Guess it’s going well here …

Mom again … sorry about that. To know me is to love me.

Tonight is your last night. Have fun, get phone numbers, be social! (There are some really cute girls in all those photos … anyone from Saratoga Springs???)

Love you lots,

Mom Unattended

P.S.

Change your underwear again … it’s been a few days.

Day 5 … last day!

Dear Z …

We made it!!! I can’t believe it’s pick-up day already!!! Time flies when I’m having fun … I mean you’re, you’re, you’re.
I’ve had a lot of wine to think about things this week … I mean time. Time to think.
Yesterday I received your post card in the mail and one from your counselor Ben. Ben had a lot more to say than you. I’ve been writing to you everyday, pouring my heart and soul out about how terribly I miss you, can’t wait to see you, blah blah blah and you sent me two sentences. (If you can call them that … pretty sure punctuation wasn’t correct.)
Since you didn’t have time to write I’ll assume you’re having a blast and don’t want to come home? You’re ok with being away from me? I ask because in my deep drinking … I mean thinking … I decided I kind of like this freedom thing and think it might be better if I didn’t have to work while enjoying it.
So, I’ve decided to take that older gentleman’s offer up to quit my job, let him buy me that house on a hill and a BMW, and take care of me and the kids. We will send you to boarding school … so everyday can be just like camp!!! Yay!!!
We can talk it about it in the two hours we will spend together tonight before I leave you with Nana for another two days while I go play with my cousins on a boat. (I really do miss you. Really.)
Nana will pick you up … I’ll see you at 7:30!!! Can’t wait to hear all about your week!!!
Love,
Mom Unattended
P.S.
Hi Zach … this is Shaun again, mom’s date from Wednesday night. Yeah … still going well. She’s pretty cool. You’re a lucky kid. Really lucky.
P.P.S.

Mom again … remember to put on deodorant, brush your teeth and change your underwear before you come home tonight. It will be easier sending you away again if I know you can take care of yourself.

 

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